Letting go is hard, even when, at the end of the day, it's just stuff.
Here it is. All my notes and working from all that time spent in lectures and libraries, at my desk or lying on Robert or Claire’s rooms’ floor working on problem sheets. Figuring out and mainly getting stuck. And occasionally resorting to copying. Good copying, adding in my own mistakes and false starts. I found out what it was like to truly not understand a problem no matter how hard I tried. To sit in concentrated thought for hours and achieve nothing. Or to battle against a slowly retreating tide of knowledge. More and more aware that there is a vast quantity that I will never understand, never know, and an even greater amount whose existence I will never be aware of. But now I don’t really have room for it. I don’t need it and it has done its job. A 2:1, hard earned. But this is not how I measure it. 2 feet of notes in lever arch files might be the sum of my knowledge. But it is not the sum of my experience. Lessons learned, ideas challenged, the pursuit of knowledge because it’s interesting because I want to know, because I love it. Geek! Rushing headlong through a mathematical landscape with friends. Good times. And although this is all behind me, and I might get rid of these files, I will always have this experience. Although, actually, I think I’ll keep one.
It's funny how sometimes a picture doesn't tell you anything. But now I've got the picture, and the page to explain it, I don't mind letting go. Because I know I'll never need to remember the difference between div, grad and curl, know how to mathematically model a financial derivative, or solve a multi-variable partial differential equation. And if I want to know how to prove Sylow's theorem about p-subgroups, it's in my organiser because I wrote it all out in there to help me learn it for finals.
I just might like to remember that I could.
P.S. I've been a bad blogger I know, but I totally intend to make up for that in the near future.