Sunday, 6 May 2012

Storytelling Sunday: School Stories

It's Storytelling Sunday over at Sian's blog, From High in the Sky.  You can go there to find a treasure trove of stories to read.  Do pop by to read them, and let people know your thoughts in the comments.  But first, stay for a story from school.  (Names changed for reasons of anonymity and whatnot).

*****

Ben raised his hand and I braced myself.  It's an automatic reaction that is necessary for survival with certain students, and this one rarely fails to disappoint.

"Miss, why would you put beans in your boots?"

"I'm sorry?" I asked.  Clearly this one was going to take some untangling.

"In Question 7, it says we have to estimate how many baked beans you'd need to fill a pair of wellies.  Why would you want to put beans in your wellies?"

I leaned over to read the question over his shoulder and read the question.  They were working on estimating and doing arithmetical calculations in their heads.  I shook my head.

"I'm not sure I understand, Ben"

"But miss, you don't put beans in boots"

"I'm sorry, but I'm still not with you."  I replied sadly.  "Are you trying to be funny?"

"No miss!" he asserted.  Slightly untruthfully I felt as he now had the attention of the class, which was almost certainly what he wanted.  "Look, it really says it-"

"I can see that, Ben"

"-And that's really gross!"

I took a deep breath. "But everyone keeps their beans in their wellies.  Are you trying to tell me that you don't?"

He grinned.  "I put my feet in my boots."

"GROSS!" I made a face.  "Why would you put your feet in your beans?"

"Wha---!"

"Do you put your feet in all your food?" I interrupted.

"No miss, I-"

"Just your beans then."

"I don't put beans in my boots!"

"I don't get it" I replied, shrugging.  "I thought everyone kept their beans in their boots.  Right gents?"  I appealed to the class who were, for once, listening with rapt attention.  True to form, as one man, they nodded their agreement, chorusing "Yes miss!"

Ben wasn't going down that easily.  "But I don't put my feet in my beans.  I eat them."

"You eat your feet???!!!" I exclaimed.  "That's really bad for your health you know, Ben."

"No! The beans!"

I raised my arms in mock despair. "You eat your beans after you've put your feet in them?"

"Not the beans, the boots"

"I wouldn't eat your boots if I were you." I advised.  Pretty good advice and I stand by it. "Plus, if you eat your boots, where do you put your beans?"

Ben spluttered. "Miss..."

"I'm sorry Ben, I'm going have to discuss this with your parents at parents evening tomorrow night.  Do they know your put your feet in beans and then eat them?"

"I don't, miss."

I frowned at him. "You said you did.  So either you lied before or you're lying now.  Something else I'm going to have to tell your parents."

Ben wasn't giving up that easy. "But miss-"

This was as far as I was prepared to let him get through that sentence.  Enough time messing about, time to carry on with some actual learning.

"Actually, lots of people have quite smelly feet".  I mused out loud.

"Cheesy feet!" piped up Elliot.

I grinned.  "Exactly.  Cheesy feet.  And I don't know about you, but I don't fancy cheesy feet beans on toast for lunch.  So either you pack it in now, or that's exactly what I serve you all at lunchtime.  In detention."  I smirked at Ben and he knew himself defeated.  Score: Miss Smith 1.

******

Kisses xxx

P.S. For those who were wondering, it takes about 15 tins of beans to fill a pair of adult wellies.  This troubled Elliot somewhat as he'd put 2000, but he'd worked out the number of beans, instead of the number of tins, as requested in the question.  For purposes of thoroughness, we worked it out and you actually need about 6000 beans.  Delicious!

24 comments:

  1. Hmmm, tasty! Oh Miss Smith, those poor boys, you are tormenting them!

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  2. Did you work out how many extra beans you'd need for a LARGE pair of wellies? As an adult I wear size 6, Ewok however wears size 12 or 13 - I suspect there will be more beans in his. Don't like baked beans though, even in wellies. But I love the teasing and the form backing you up.

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  3. This did make me chuckly, I love your tales from the classroom.

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  4. Oh Miss Smith!!! You are just too good xxx

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  5. It's always best to have the last word!!

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  6. When I see your name come up on Storytelling Sunday I can feel myself smile in anticipation! Another great tale from classroom!

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  7. ha ha! I lOVE your tales from the classroom. I bet these boys were so confused bless them!

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  8. LOL! I have extra tiny feet, so maybe I could get away with fewer. Beans I mean, not feet. Which would be handy, as I'm not a big fan. Of Beans, again, not feet. Those, I like. Always a joy Miss Smith!

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  9. Brilliantly told, as always!

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  10. LOL!!! I don't know how you go on in a conversation like this without bursting in laughter!!

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  11. Ah, I love battles of wits with pupils :) Did you ever find out where he kept his beans?

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  12. that is really funny, well done on being so quick with your replies!

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  13. I do love your school stories, but I'm with Ben on this one. What is the point of maths anyway if all you finally find out is hoew many cans of beans it takes to fill your boots???

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  14. Hi,
    Now I understand why I never liked math… ;-)
    Have a nice Sunday,
    Cheers from France

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  15. Another cracker..when will these boys ever learn?!
    Alison xx

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  16. Love your stories. I had to read it aloud to My Mann who was sitting near by. We had a good laugh.

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  17. You are such a good storyteller. This really made me laugh out loud. You have to have your wits about you as a Teacher, don't you!

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  18. OMG - laugh out loud funny. I always look forward to your school tales and this one did not disappoint! Love the quick wit. Although I have to admit Ben has a point - putting beans in your boots really is disgusting. Seems the writers of the math books could come up with some more true-to-life (aka - useful) examples to work with!

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  19. Another gem Miss Smith - how do you keep a straight face in class!

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  20. So the whole thing was a joke? Or do you really put beans in boots?

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  21. I'm with Ben :-) I always thought the nonsense questions in math were silly. Why would you even want to estimate how many cans of beans would fill your wellies? But some math text book writers must have a strange sense of humour as we always got them LOL

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  22. I shall not look at beans the same way next time - gross!

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  23. I always look forward to reading your school stories and this one sure didn't disappoint. What a chuckle!

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