Cake Pop Fail: an anti-recipe

Cake pops are everywhere.  They keep appearing on Pinterest and on blogs, dancing across the internet because a) they look adorable and pretty and b) they're made of cake.  There is no downside. Plus it comes on a stick and things that come on a stick are somehow indefinably better than things that don't come on sticks.  And by indefinable, I mean in that totally definable sense that they come on a stick.  In a frenzy of Bake-Off inspired (yet misguided) self-belief I decided to make some.

It turns out that my cake pops will actually be resigned to the let's-not-do-that-again list.  Mine suck for several reasons.  First they would not stay on their sticks.  So they have no sticks.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but if a cake pop is not on a stick, is it not just, well, cake?  See figure 2 for illustrative photograph of cake not on a stick.  Or alternatively, you could see just about any other cake.  If you struggle to find imagery of cakes not on sticks, let me know.

Nonethless, sticks aside, I still had high hopes for my cake pops because they are just so pretty.  And anything that is made of cake and is prettier than cake must categorically (cakegorically? sorry) taste better than cake.  Right?

Wrong.  See figure three for yet more illustrative diagrams.

Due to the aforementioned prettiness, my expectations were high.  But sadly, they did not taste as good as cake so what you're left with is a bitter taste of crushing futility and a sense of the pointlessness of life.

Would you like to make your own?  I thought so.  So here's the recipe.

You will need:

500g Madeira cake

200g dark chocolate

pink food colouring

2 tbsp ground almonds

400g white chocolate

sprinkles

low expectations (MOST IMPORTANT)

Crumble the cake into crumbs mix in the almonds, melt the dark chocolate in a bowl over some hot water, and then combine the two, using your hands to mush them thoroughly together. Shape into walnut-sized balls and refrigerate for about an hour to cool the chocolate.

Meanwhile, melt the white chocolate in a bowl over some hot water and stir in the food colouring.  You can decide on the level of garishness you are prepared to tolerate. Dunk the cake balls into the white chocolate and set on a foil-covered tray to solidify.  Sprinkle them with sprinkles and pop in the fridge again.  Once solid, transfer to cake cases.

I imagine this is simplified somewhat if you can get the wretched things to stay on the sticks. You wouldn't end up covering yourself and your kitchen in white chocolate while you try and dunk them by hand, for instance.  You would be able to hold them by the stick.

Just a thought.  And yet another reason why things are better on sticks.  Perhaps that will trend on Twitter? #thingsonsticksarebetter anyone? Anyway, what's done is done.  And it was good fun to photograph them.  Swings and roundabouts.  I'd say enjoy except..

Anyway, that's quite enough.  I've recently taken up Twitter, by the way. I do not understand it!  Anyway, if you're so inclined (and I would like to follow some crafters back!) my Twitter name is @KirstyMerran.

Kisses xxx

P.S. Thinking of writing a recipe book.  Successful, yes?